Brain Users

Let me start off by saying that I am oh-so-highly motivated to finish this post because my reward for doing so is…

wait for it…

cake-for-dinner.

::rapture::

So let’s just get on with it, shall we?

I was so excited yesterday because I went to go get lunch at the food carts and there was this guy standing on the corner with his work shirt tucked in and his too-white sneakers peeking out from under the Shar Pei folds of too-long, slightly-sagged khaki pants. And he was holding a big cardboard sign that said, “Ready to Work” with his resume taped above it. And oh boy did I just think it was so clever. And I hadn’t brought my camera down and I was realllllllly hoping I could run back up and grab it from the office and then ask if I could photograph him and then have this totally KICK ASS picture for you guys. But I’m already in line for the uber awesome burrito cart, and a bunch of people have just come behind me and so I figure I’ll just get my food first. And I’m ants-ily fidgeting in line and anxiously peering over to make sure he’s still there. And this goes on for a bit. And I finally get up the front of the line and he’s still there. And so I order my burrito, exchange pleasantries, and then turn to leave and… Of course. Didn’t you see that coming? He’s gone.

(Of course, when I relayed this story to our office manager she said some lady was already on the news for doing it, which makes him a biter, which makes me feel a little bit better for missing it, but nonetheless I have no totally awesome picture for you.)

And I also really wish I could tell you a number of incredibly action-packed and infuriating stories that I have swirling around my mind right now, but they all have to do with work. And we all know about the no-no of mixing work and blog. Bad bad. Tsk tsk.

So we shall have to move on to slightly less exciting tales.

How’s that for an opener? Anyway.

Yesterday after class the lecturer and I got to talking about people and how it’s great when they use their brains but so often they don’t. I’m so good at talking about this kind of thing. But that’s not my point. My point is that we were talking about all the things we are presented with every day, often from seemingly authoritative sources, that are skewed, or just plain wrong. And how it’s such a shame that so few people take the time or brainpower to question those things and come up with independent plans of action.

It’s like this article I was reading about porn “usage” in the United States and how it plays across political parties, which apparently has made the rounds in the news. And believe you me, nobody would more love for this to be The Truth because a) I love this magazine and b) how could a hippie kid like me not love to laugh and point at all the Family Values gay-marriage haters caught with their pants down – literally. And this has nothing to do with my opinion on whether porn is good or bad (or neither) – that’s a totally separate topic. It’s just because hypocrisy is fun and laughing and pointing at people for it is even better. [Especially because then I get to laugh and point at myself for judging a group of people for judging a group of people (see here for more fun with hypocrisy).]

But. BUT. You have to ask all kinds of questions. Like, how did he control for differences in broadband internet accessibility in different areas? Like, as the boy pointed out, what about people who live in areas where strip clubs aren’t allowed and the internet is their only source? Like, a million different things that could knock the wind out of the liberal sails on this one.

And it’s always like that. Everything you read in the news or see on TV or hear from a friend or whatever – you have to dig a little deeper. Busy busy busy (I’m reading Cat’s Cradle right now, remember?) It’s a lot of work. How are you supposed to decide what to believe without expending some brain power? Moreover, how are you supposed to make decisions for yourself or know what to do in any given situation if you don’t use your head?

So speaking of porn…

The thing about being a lawyer is that you have all these moral codes to follow and you get to be disciplined by the Bar if you don’t measure up. And if you are disciplined, they write a little article about it in the lawyerly newspaper like an obituary for your career. It’s like having rumors go around about why you got called into the principal’s office – except they’re all true.

Often enough it’s really dry reading, but If you haven’t already guessed, it can lead to juicy story time. Like how this attorney one of my coworkers knows just got written up for moral turpitude. Which is…umm…not what you want to be nailed for if you could pick. And the reason, which is nicely summarized in his obituary, is that he was watching porn on his work computer and then decided to DRIVE AROUND A PARKING LOT while masturbating.

I mean, come on, that’s funny.

Because, (see above) you have to break these things down. Because if you break it down for a second it’s easy to see that anyone who decided to turn OFF their brain usage device before engaging in an activity like that deserves to be laughed at. Had said device been booted up and ready for action, he could have had the forethought to be somewhere other than behind a wheel of a car in a parking lot…or at the very least stuffed it in his shorts before anyone got close enough to figure it out.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why it pays to keep your brain on at all times.