Bastardization

**Please note that no brain cell-ly, linguistically, nor socio-economically disadvantaged folk were made fun of in the making of this post. All horrifying maligners of the English language were afforded every opportunity to know better, save, apparently, the ability to give a damn.**

I know I mentioned these already, but just humor me while I give them their very own post.

Way back when I first started this blog while on a trip to the UK, at the request of a coworker, I recorded a few British-isms. Here’s another installment, though this time cataloging a vernacular with a slightly different timbre.

Sample paragraph: After I found out that I pasted the class that I had accidentally in-roled in at the beginning of this semester, I decided to grab a drink to celebrate. Unfortunately, I got carded at the door and must have accidentally left my real listens at home, because I could only find the fack that I forgot to take out of my wallet when I turned twenty-one last Disember. Hofuly the door guy didn’t notice.

I even once read a contract that said, “hence fourth”. Seriously. What does that even mean? What if God had said to “Go fourth and multiply.” Would that mean you can only knock her up if you line three volunteers up to go before? Sloppy second…err…thir…umm…fourths? Gross.

::sighs and shakes head sadly as spectacle chain sways back and forth:: People, people.