Cat Butts
I’m riding the bus home from work today, and sitting in front is a middle-aged and portly woman, sporting a large, brightly-colored, unmissable, reusable PVC shopping bag.
On the front is a drawing of a cat walking away. You know that joke? What does a cat look like walking away? And then you pucker your lips and hold an arm above your head like you’re about to do the snorkeling dance move from the 60′s (70′s? I don’t know. Give me a break. I wasn’t alive yet.) but instead you wave it back and forth like a cat tail. Get it? Ya. THAT joke.
Anyway, this bag has a picture of a cat walking away. And book-ending the picture of the cat’s asshole are the words, in chubby, playful typeface, “Cat [insert asshole] Butt”.
It’s the height of sophistication really. The newest thing. Get one or be left behind with last month’s fashion.
So there’s this unnecessarily large picture of a cat walking away, the words Cat Butt, and then the side of the bag has a bunch of other, smaller drawings of other cats walking away. Quite diverse actually.
And all I can think, is that I am so relieved to know that I will not be around when some anthropologist or alien invader comes across these impossibly un-decomposable bags a bazillion years from now and writes a dissertation beginning, “Though finding Object Carriers from the era of the 21st century Human is nary newsworthy (these artifacts being plentiful and theories abounding on why these creatures found the collection of objects to be such a strong indicator of social standing), I would oblige you to please review the slides of this most recent find. As you can see, the multitude of artist’s careful renderings indicates that this culture had a clear affinity for, and perhaps worship of, feline anuses. Hopefully further research and subsequent finds will clarify of what benefit these anuses were to the species.”
